Nobody Sees Anybody

“Nobody sees anybody truly but all through the flaws of their own egos. That is the way we all see …each other in life. Vanity, fear, desire, competition– all such distortions within our own egos– condition our vision of those in relation to us. Add to those distortions to our own egos the corresponding distortions in the egos of others, and you see how cloudy the glass must become through which we look at each other. That’s how it is in all living relationships except when there is that rare case of two people who love intensely enough to burn through all those layers of opacity and see each other’s naked hearts.” (Letter to Gadge~Tennesse Williams)

Confessions of a Momma

Perhaps I am not the ordinary female who played marriage and kids growing up but surely someone out there must feel the way I do.

What is it that I feel? Let me tell you.

Prior to my being pregnant, and during my pregnancy, I heard many mothers tell me that the physical pain I will endure during childbirth will subside completely and that I will fall utterly and completely in love at the first sight at my own little miracle.

Unfortunately no one cared to tell me about the discomfort of postpartum pregnancy!

But no, I did not fall utterly in love with my daughter at first sight. This devastated me as a person and a new mother. I was supposed to be in a state of euphoria in these sweet tender moments of her new life on Earth.

What I did feel was a sense of responsibility: to shelter her from harm, to provide her with a peaceful and loving environment where she can learn and grow, and to be her teacher when she needs guidance.

I did however, rose in love with her: her contagiousness, the way her eyes sparkle in delight, the way her smile illuminates any darkness that I feel, the way her laughter is music to my soul, and the way the power of her love is faithful, unyielding, translucent and best of all, unconditional for ME.

I did not fall in love with my daughter. I rose utterly and completely in love with her. She is the light of my world.